


Shit that happens when Dateko are hitmen

by injeong



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Assassins, Assassins & Hitmen, Blood, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Dateko, Datekougyou | Date Tech, Fluff, M/M, Mild Gore, Texting, aoba johsai, chatfic, haikyuu teams, hitmenAU, idek anymore, kinda gore, maybe more teams added as the fic goes on idk, mostly dateko tho, seijoh appear for a bit, swearing sorta, text!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-06-15 13:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15414483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/injeong/pseuds/injeong
Summary: A little peek into the group chat of Dateko as hitmen, with all its fluff, angst, injury, celebration, language, laughter, and Dateko-ness.





	1. "How long does it take for chunk of flesh to grow back?"

 

  
Kamachi: I TOLD YOU TO BE FUCKING CAREFUL YOU IDIOT

Kamachi: OI

Kamachi: ANSWER ME

Kamachi: AONE DID HE DIE FOR REAL

LockOn: No, he's still alive.

Kamachi: still?????

LockOn: He's currently bleeding out in Obara's car and unable to use his phone, but we're in the process of stopping the bleeding.

StressedMom™: Obara says he should be in range in six minutes

StressedMom™: Tell Futakuchi to hang on until then

StressedMom™: Remember to be careful not to let anyone see

Kamachi: lol its not the first time he's got himself shot because of his carelessness, you dont need to worry so much

StressedMom™: That doesn't make it any better!!!

StressedMom™: I'd rather none of us ever had the experience of being shot!!!!

StressedMom™: Being shot multiple times isn't good!!!!!!!!

AceShooter: lmao Moniwa-san we're hitmen and assassins danger is part of our life

AceShooter: also im fine dont worry

StressedMom™: I THOUGHT YOU WERE SHOT

AceShooter: i was

StressedMom™: THEN HOW ARE YOU TYPING AONE SAID THAT YOU WERE BASICALLY BLEEDING OUT IN OBARA'S CAR

AceShooter: well i kinda was but i'm roughly patched up now so itsfindfleelkfd

Kamachi: what the fuck

StressedMom™: Kamasaki, language

StressedMom™: Futakuchi, what?

AceShooter: sorry lol my hand spasmed

StressedMom™: That isn't a good sign, Futakuchi!!

AceShooter: i may or may not have looked at the dosage recommendations before taking the painkillers

Kamachi: ARE YOU AN EVEN BIGGER FUCKING IDIOT THAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE

StressedMom™: Good lord Obara please hurry

AceShooter: haha joking joking im not that dumb

AceShooter: but uh

AceShooter: obara probably does have to hurry

StressedMom™: What?

StressedMom™: Futakuchi, what do you mean?

StressedMom™: Futakuchi?

Kamachi: hey you alive???

Kamachi: futakuchi??

LockOn: Futakuchi has just passed out.

LockOn: Or fallen asleep, maybe. But Obara's only a minute away from somewhere where we can take proper medical action and Futakuchi seems to be in a stable condition.

LockOn: He was lucky he wasn't hit straight on, but he's going to need more than a few stitches and won't be shooting for a while.

StressedMom™: I want to retire

Kamachi: please don't we really will all die then

Kamachi: we're all such idiots

Kamachi: its a miracle that we're so feared honestly

StressedMom™: I wouldn't call it 'feared'? I'd just say that people think we are a valuable asset?

Kamachi: well, as long as they dont shoot us on sight i dont really care what lol

Tiny: uh

Tiny: senpai

Tiny: how long would it take for a chunk of flesh to grow back

StressedMom™: Sakunami, have they arrived??

Tiny: well

Tiny: yes

Tiny: i think we need to call someone with better medical skills than me though

Kamachi: for fuck's sake honestly those idiots

StressedMom™: Kamasaki, l a n g u a g e

StressedMom™: And it depends on how big of a chunk of flesh you're talking about, and where it is

Tiny: it's not so deep that it'll affect his ability to use his arm to a large extent

Tiny: but i think we're going to need someone better if we really want Futakuchi-san to fully recover because

Tiny: uh

Tiny: it's a little worse than what Aone-san said

Kamachi: are you serious

Tiny: yes

Kamachi: oh my god why

Tiny: I recommend the two from Aoba Johsai who we called last time

Tiny: we provided assistance for them a week ago so I think they would be willing to help us

Kamachi: ugh i'll go and call them

Kamachi: just make sure he doesn't die or anything before i come back

Tiny: okay!

StressedMom™: Can I retire now

Kamachi: MONIWA NO

Kamachi: DO YOU WANT US ALL TO DIE

StressedMom™: Relax, I wouldn't abandon you guys, as hopeless as you all are

Noodles: Gee, thanks, Moniwa-san

Tiny: Onagawa senpai, aren't you supposed to be on lookout right now?

Noodles: lol yh

Noodles: I'm just writing down what Pantaloons is dictating to me

Noodles: (I'm Obara)

Tiny: oh okay

Tiny: (How's Futakuchi senpai?)

Noodles: eh

Noodles: he'll live

Noodles: its fine we dont need him anyway

StressedMom™: YOU TWO

Noodles: kidding, Moniwa-san

Noodles: who else would keep aone in check otherwise

Noodles: plus he still owes us, even with the bet we lost over him getting that kill over that distance

Noodles: hes not such a pain to the extent where we'd just let him die

Noodles: not much, anyway

StressedMom™: I can't tell whether you're being serious or not, how am I supposed to react?

Noodles: half serious

Noodles: hehe

LockOn: Considering how the two of you reacted when we brought Futakuchi back, I don't think you're being very honest.

Tiny: how did they react?

LockOn: Onagawa screamed and Obara started crying.

Noodles: HIS WHOLE ARM WAS REDUCED TO A BLOODY GLOOP HOW ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO REACT

LockOn: It wasn't that bad.

Tiny: uh

Tiny: I think it was a bit more that "not that bad", senpai

Noodles: HE WAS PASSED OUT OK

Noodles: FUTAKUCHI NEVER PASSES OUT unless he's really drunk

LockOn: That's what scared you the most?

StressedMom™: Slightly concerning, you two

StressedMom™: Anyway, is there any news about Futakuchi and Seijoh?

Kamachi: yh theyre coming over

Kamachi: in about five minutes, since the two healers were close by luckily

StressedMom™: What did they say?

Kamachi: weeeeelll on the description that we gave them to the best of our ability

ShortSalt: you mean to the best of Sakunami's ability, you didn't know shit about medical stuff

Kamachi: I KNOW FUCKING ENOUGH

ShortSalt: you literally tried to put a plaster sticky face up on your paper cut yesterday

Kamachi: I WAS RUNNING ON HALF AN HOUR'S SLEEP STFU

StressedMom™: Calm down

StressedMom™: What are the possible outcomes for Futakuchi?

Tiny: ummmmm

Tiny: best case scenario

Tiny: his arm and shoulder heal fully and it'll only leave a scar and perhaps a little stiffness that can be fixed later

StressedMom™: Worse case ...?

Tiny: well

Tiny: if they think it's that bad

Tiny: his arm will have to be amputated because it would be completely useless

StressedMom™: What

StressedMom™: Don't joke

Tiny: sorry, moniwa senpai

Tiny: im not joking

Tiny: but Futakuchi-san will be fine, I don't think it's bad enough for amputation and i do have some trust in my medical knowledge, sooooo

Kamachi: fucking christ

Kamachi: Seijoh's people are here now

Tiny: i'll go greet them

StressedMom™: Thank you, Sakunami

StressedMom™: Where's Aone?

ShortSalt: with futakuchi

ShortSalt: btw how the fuck do I change this username

StressedMom™: You want to change it?

ShortSalt: im not fucking short

StressedMom™: You're shorter than me, aren't you?

ShortSalt: there we are

Kamachi: moniwa's secret sassy side

StressedMom™: I don't get you. Also Kamasaki, I thought you were with the Seijoh people?

Kamachi: Sakunami's got them

Kamachi: and since i am the one in charge of keeping our networks and firewalls secure im sure I can change your username, Sasaya

ShortSalt: i dont trust you

\- Kamachi has changed ShortSalt's name to SaltyShort -

SaltyShort: fuck you

SaltyShort: i knew i didnt trust you

StressedMom™: Well ...

StressedMom™: At least we know Kamachi's technical skills aren't just words.

StressedMom™: Though I suppose he could be doing something better than changing our usernames to weird things at the moment. Didn't you say that you needed to heighten our defenses?

SaltyShort: yh futakuchi was kinda shot because he was careless because he thought you had all the places covered

Kamachi: STOP MAKING ME FEEL EVEN WORSE YOU MOTHERFUCKER

Kamachi: and he shouldve known better than to think that we didnt have any blind spots

SaltyShort: nice to know that you actually care about him lmao

Kamachi: ?? i care, he's part of our group isnt he?

Kamachi: and he's unfortunately our best sharpshooter

Kamachi: but he's still annoying

StressedMom™: How sweet ... I guess?

SaltyShort: haha

SaltyShort: genuine feelings

SaltyShort: lovely

Kamachi: Moniwa u have to agree with me here I changed his username to something that actually suits him

StressedMom™: Like how you changed all of our usernames that one night and never showed us how to change them back?

Kamachi: YOURE STILL ALL SALTY ABOUT THAT?

Kamachi: theyre good usernames okay

LockOn: Futakuchi's username makes him sound like a basketball player.

SaltyShort: YES SEE

SaltyShort: guns arent the only type of shooting you know

SaltyShort: makes futakuchi sounds like that green haired anime guy

SaltyShort: from the basketball anime

StressedMom™: Oooh, the one who can make three pointers from the other hoop?

SaltyShort: yh

SaltyShort: and you were just plain mean to Sakunami, the kid isn't that tiny

Kamachi: HE IS and not a bad thing, and hes not sensitive about that stuff

SaltyShort: I can only agree with you on Moniwa's username

StressedMom™: I'm a mom?

Kamachi: ...

SaltyShort: considering how we'll all probably be dead years ago if it werent for you i guess so?

StressedMom™: That's an exaggeration, you guys

StressedMom™: I know you're all perfectly capable, even without me

Kamachi: see? mom who believes in all of his kids

StressedMom™: You're the same age as me

Kamachi: eh

Kamachi: oh wait seijoh guys are calling

Kamachi: be back in a bit

StressedMom™: ... I do hope it's nothing serious

SaltyShort: dont worry

SaltyShort: futakuchi will be fiiiine

SaltyShort: also look at you being a caring mother hen to the little babies

StressedMom™: Futakuchi is too careless sometimes, I can't help but worry

StressedMom™: Aone usually keeps him in check, though. Luckily.

SaltyShort: wonder what we'd do without aone lol

LockOn: ?

SaltyShort: lmao dont worry aone

LockOn: ....

 


	2. "SO SOME KID SAW ME ON THE WAY BACK AND ASKED ABOUT THE BLOOD AND I PANICKED AND TOLD HER THAT IT WAS KETCHUP"

 

AceShooter: look at you going all sentimental while i was gone, Kamasaki-san

Kamachi: stfu you little shit

AceShooter: awe how sweet

SaltyShort: tsundere kamachi

Kamachi: STFU YOU LITTLE SHITS

StressedMom™: Now now

StressedMom™: Glad you're okay, Futakuchi ^_^

TallerSalt: ill give you your money once youre out, futakuchi

Noodles: you still owe us like ten thousand yen tho

AceShooter: BUT I SHOT HIM DIDNT I

TallerSalt: hey Onagawa shouldnt we give him less money because he did manage to shoot over that distance but he almost lost his arm coming back

AceShooter: _DONT YOU DARE_

Noodles: hey Obara thats a really good idea

AceShooter: I AM LITERALLY _BROKE_ RN

Noodles: whose fault is that

AceShooter: I hate you all

AceShooter: literally

AceShooter: I almost died and this is how you treat me?

TallerSalt: whose fault is it that you almost died

AceShooter: ....... me?

Noodles: get rekt lmao

AceShooter: I KNOW YOU LOVE ME

AceShooter: somewhere deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep down inside

StressedMom™: Oh my

StressedMom™: That's a lot of deeps

AceShooter: true

AceShooter: Im not sure whether obara and pantaloons are even tall enough to have that many deeps

TallerSalt: im taller than you you little fucker

AceShooter: love you too

Tiny: the Seijoh people have gone now, I think I can handle it from here Futakuchi-san

AceShooter: thanks, Sakunami

Tiny: please try your best not to get your arm almost ripped off next time, Futakuchi-san

AceShooter: ................

AceShooter: sure?

LockOn: Don't just walk out into the open if you know there are places that people can shoot you from.

AceShooter: betrayal

AceShooter: how could you all do this to me

AceShooter: and you can shoot from anywhere, aone, cant you?

LockOn: ..........................

AceShooter: fine fine dont look at me like that

ShortSalt: but you're texting ...?

Noodles: they have this weird thing

TallerSalt: Futakuchi can tell Aone's expression from his texts

TallerSalt: the number of full stops or something

Kamachi: holy fuck??

StressedMom™: guys, language

Noodles: Futakuchi, are you and Aone telepathic?

AceShooter: no lol

AceShooter: not my fault you two have zero empathetic ability

Noodles: r00d

TallerSalt: ugh btw you now have a deadline to pay us back.

AceShooter: WHAT

TallerSalt: you offended me.

AceShooter: good.

AceShooter: ...

AceShooter: WHATS THE DEADLINE

LockOn: You're going to lose this battle, Futakuchi.

AceShooter: gee thanks for the support Aone

Kamachi: lmao get rekt futakuchi

StressedMom™: Honestly you guys

StressedMom™: We do still have jobs to do, you know?

TallerSalt: we won't need to if Futakuchi pays us back the stuff he'd bet us

Noodles: true true

Noodles: we'd be rich for the rest of our lives

TallerSalt: hes gambled and lost so much against us

Noodles: fail

TallerSalt: maybe you should actually use common sense next time you bet us something futakuchi

Noodles: ...........

Noodles: Futakuchi?

TallerSalt: did he get shot again

Noodles: XD

StressedMom™: Why are you laughing???

Noodles: no i was walking by and

Noodles: hes fallen asleep

TallerSalt: SEND ME A PIC

Noodles: [image sent]

Noodles: hes drooling lmao

TallerSalt: im making that my wallpaper

TallerSalt: and you were 'walking by' my ass

Noodles: what

Tiny: actually

Tiny: Onagawa senpai was in the room with Futakuchi for the past half an hour

Kamachi: thats so sweet

Kamachi: wait

Kamachi: were you texting each other from in the SAME ROOM

Noodles: uh

Noodles: he had a sore throat?

TallerSalt: yeahhhhhh right

Noodles: oh, shut up

StressedMom™: Um, okay ...

StressedMom™: Back to the topic that we have jobs to do ...

Noodles: im not the one who had a girly meltdown when futakuchi was brought in

TallerSalt: I DID NOT

Noodles: dude you were literally freaking out

Noodles: you know we've seen worse injuries

Noodles: like that time when -

TallerSalt: DONT YOU DARE

Noodles: weak ass stomach

StressedMom™: .......................................

Kamachi: shut up you two Moniwa wants to say something

StressedMom™: I don't actually want to say something, just ... well, now that we know Futakuchi is going to be alright we need to sort out who's going to be doing the jobs he'd been assigned in advance and whether Aone will partner up with someone else or whether a whole new pair will be going, and since we need to make sure to reduce the risk of any more attacks and accidents we might end up sending groups of three instead of two, or maybe even using a single person to reduce the risk of detection even though that will mean we would need to scout out the assigned area a lot more because they won't have a partner to watch their back so the handlers for the mission will have a really big job and I'm not sure whether everyone will be up to it but

ShortSalt: holy crap

ShortSalt: calm

Kamachi: its not that big a deal, chillax

StressedMom™: I'd rather this not happen again, soooooo ...

LockOn: I don't mind working with someone else.

LockOn: But whatever you think is best.

AnrgyBird: I COULD DO THE JOBDS

Tiny: er

Tiny: Koganegawa-kun, you haven't actually been in the field yet

AnrgyBird: IT DOESHNT MATTER IVE STILL TRSINED

Kamachi: turn your caps lock off

AnrgyBird: WHETSD CAP LOK?

Kamachi: what

AnrgyBird: WAHTS CAPS LOGK SENPAI

Kamachi: oh god

Tiny: never mind

Tiny: I guess we could use Koganegawa-kun but it'd be risky ...

Tiny: we still don't know who it was who shot Futakuchi-san, too ...

Kamachi: very risky

Kamachi: he has skills (somewhat) but you know

Kamachi: the real thing and training is totally different

Kamachi: even if it isnt actually that different in what you actually do

SaltyShort: look at you being all wise

Kamachi: stfu

SaltyShort: you should know, after all

SaltyShort: “ψ(｀∇´)ψ

Tiny: ?

Kamachi: shut your mouth now sasaya

Kamachi: i swear to god

Kamachi: I WAS FUCKING SIXTEEN THEN OKAY

Tiny: ???

StressedMom™: Sasaya, don't tease him about that mission, your first mission wasn't any better

StressedMom™: (Sorry, Sakunami)

StressedMom™: (They're talking about their first ever assignments as hitmen)

Tiny: oohhh

Tiny: sixteen? that's quite young for a proper assignment

Tiny: i havent even finished my field training yet

StressedMom™: Exactly, so Sasaya you can stop teasing him. Need I remind you about your state when you came back from your first mission? I was your partner, I saw all of it.

StressedMom™: Kamachi's first mission was a solo one, too.

SaltyShort: STOP GANGING UP ON ME

SaltyShort: and his state was funnier than mine okay

SaltyShort: "SO SOME KID SAW ME ON THE WAY BACK AND ASKED ABOUT THE BLOOD AND I PANICKED AND TOLD HER THAT IT WAS KETCHUP"

Kamachi: IT WAS THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF

Kamachi: I WASNT GOING TO GO TAINT A PURE INNOCENT CHILD

StressedMom™: Now, now

AceShooter: IM BACK WHAT DID I MISS

Kamachi: fuck

Kamachi: im outta here

AceShooter: ...

AceShooter: HAHAHAHAHAHA

AceShooter: KETCHUP

AceShooter: KAMASAKI-SAN, SERIOUSLY???

AceShooter: I HAVE A FEELING IT WASNT THE FUNNIEST PART, EITHER

AceShooter: SASAYA-SAN, WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME

SaltyShort: see, someone else understands me

TallerSalt: that someone doesn't count, does he? Futakuchi is an immature little shit who just got shot today because of his own stupidness

AceShooter: thanks for caring about me, Obara

SaltyShort: ILL TELL YOU FUTAKUCHI

Kamachi: AT LEAST DO IT ON PRIVATE

Kamachi: IF YOU LOVE ME AT ALL DO IT ON PRIVATE

SaltyShort: i have no love for you but because i am a generous and considerate person I will tell Futakuchi on private

Kamachi: thanks

Kamachi: ????

Tiny: ... so, um

Tiny: will Koganegawa-kun be going out on proper assignments or not?

Noodles: I'd say no

Noodles: if we weren't being targeted by someone at the moment i would say yes but

Noodles: futakuchi just got shot and we still dont know whether it was an accident or on purpose

Noodles: too dangerous, especially as he has no actual experience

LockOn: I agree.

StressedMom™: True ...

StressedMom™: We still have three more targets to eliminate before the end of this week and two of them Futakuchi and Aone were meant to be doing, the rest of you guys already have done quite a lot recently

TallerSalt: ITS FINE I CAN DO MOREEEE

StressedMom™: Um, okay?

TallerSalt: AND ILL STAY ON TRACK I WONT ACCEPT DEFEAT

StressedMom™: ??

TallerSalt: ITS AN UPHILL SLOPE BUT I WONT LOSE HOPEEEEEE

StressedMom™: Are you okay

TallerSalt: TIL I GO THE DISTANCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Kamachi: dude why

Kamachi: why are you singing a disney song here

TallerSalt: AND MY FDHSj

Kamachi: is he drunk

TallerSalt: DAMNIT FUTASHIT STOP TAKING MY PHONE

Kamachi: FUTASHIT HAHAHA

Kamachi: THATS BETTER THAN ACESHOOTER

AceShooter: youre welcome obara :P

\- Kamachi has changed AceShooter's name to Futashit -

Futashit: what the fuck

Futashit: CHANGE IT BACK

Futashit: KAMASAKI-SAN

Futashit: KAMASAKI-SAN NO

Futashit: KAMASAKI-SAN

Futashit: OBARA I HATE YOU

Futashit: OBARA

TallerSalt: youre welcome futa :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy more chaos with Dateko xD  
> Next chapter is almost finished, expect it to be published in all its chaos ft Seijoh appearances in a couple of days!


	3. "You'll need something stronger than bleach if you want to get rid of those memes."

 

Futashit: you still havent changed it back

Futashit: how could you

Futashit: you all abandonned me

StressedMom™: Futakuchi, don't be so dramatic ^_^

Futashit: EVEN YOU MONIWA-SAN

Futashit: MY PRIDE IS WOUNDED

Noodles: what pride

Futashit: i legit hate you all

LockOn: ......

Futashit: AONE STOP LAUGHING AT ME HOW COULD YOU

Futashit: IM SUFFERING OKAY

LockOn: I'm not laughing.

Futashit: LIAR I CAN HEAR YOU

Kamachi: lmao get rekt futashit

Futashit: I am going to have my revenge just you wait

Kamachi: nobody in Dateko can change your usernames other than me though

Kamachi: I set it up to be like that ;)

Futashit: MONIWA-SAN HES ABUSING HIS ABILITIES AS A HACKER STOP HIM

StressedMom™: Well ... he's not technically harming anyone so I don't see any use in trying to stop him

StressedMom™: And he's right, nobody else knows how to change the coding or whatever he does

Futashit: NOOOO

Futashit: whyyyyyyy

Futashit: im going to go and be with my guns now

Futashit: only my guns dont laugh at me

Futashit: only the bullets understand how i feel

Noodles: ......

Noodles: man he really fails at being dramatic

Tiny: i can hear him in the firing range

Tiny: its sort of funny, actually

Tiny: XD

TallerSalt: its always the ones you least expect to be evil lmao

SaltyShort: Moniwa you were laughing at Futakuchi weren't you

StressedMom™: What? No, of couse not!

SaltyShort: I could see you grinning at your phone

SaltyShort: maaaaaan youre secretly evil arent you

StressedMom™: I wasn't laughing!

Kamachi: dude i could hear you snorting

Kamachi: secret evil moniwa strikes again

StressedMom™: I wasn't!!

SaltyShort: ....

StressedMom™: ... it was sort of funny though?

Kamachi: aha

GrandKing: So the rumors about Moniwa-chan being secretly heartless were true (✿◕‿◕)

StressedMom™: Rumors?? What rumors??

StressedMom™: Wait a second

Kamachi: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

Kamachi: HOW DID YOU GET IN

GrandKing: Let's not be so intense now (✿◕‿◕)

Kamachi: WHO ARE YOU

Tiny: whos this????

Noodles: youre not dateko who are you

GrandKing: Aw, it should be obvious (✿◕‿◕)

Kamachi: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW

Kamachi: AND WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I KICK YOU OUT

GrandKing: Hmm ~~ maybe I just found your security similar to others that I've gotten past?

Kamachi: Wait

Kamachi: Wait wait wait

Kamachi: I recognize that number

Tiny: ????

LockOn: Who is it?

Kamachi: no way

Kamachi: what the fuck is Oikawa Tooru doing in our group chat

GrandKing: You found me (✿◕‿◕)

GrandKing: I just wanted to see how you were doing (✿◕‿◕)

Kamachi: ..... right.

LockOn: We are doing perfectly fine.

Godziwachan: SHITTYKAWA WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THIS

Godziwachan: GET US BACK TO OUR OWN CHAT RIGHT NOW

GrandKind: Iwa-channnn why can't we play with these guys a bit more

Godziwachan: oh my god

Godziwachan: I'm really fucking sorry for this

StressedMom™: It's fine ....?

GrandKing: I just wanted to try hacking something else!

Godziwachan: THEN HACK WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO

Godziwachan: THIS IS WHY SO MANY PEOPLE WANT TO KILL YOU

Godziwachan: also you changed my username again

Godziwachan: i dont fucking like godzilla that much okay

Godziwachan: trashykawa

GrandKing: IWA-CHAN MEAN

Godziwachan: crappykawa

Tiny: um

GrandKing: Oooh who's this?

Tiny: uh

Tiny: I'm Sakunami

GrandKing: The cute short one! Hiiiii ~~~ don't you want us to stay longer? Tell Iwa-chan to stop chasing me and let us talk in peace!

Tiny: ummmm

StressedMom™: Iwaizumi, why is Oikawa-san in our chat?

Godziwachan: I think he just got bored

Godziwachan: I promise you we have no vendetta against you or anything

Godziwachan: I'm really really sorry about this

StressedMom™: No, it's fine! At least it tells us our security could be raised a bit

Kamachi: MONIWA STOP KNOCKING ME DOWN

StressedMom™: I mean, if you let any of us handle the security online .......

Kamachi: ugh dont give me that look fine fine

GrandKing: Iwa-chaaaaan they're having so much fun why can't we stayyyy

Godziwachan: I'm giving you thirty seconds to take us all back to our own chat.

GrandKing: Thirty seconds?

GrandKing: Or what?

GrandKing: Iwa-chan?

Godziwachan: Twenty seconds.

GrandKing: Iwa-chan???

GrandKing: Iwa-channnnnnnnnn

GrandKing: i w a c h a n

Godziwachan: Ten seconds.

GrandKing: Iwa-chan?

Godziwachan: Five seconds.

GrandKing: wait _wait WAIT_

GrandKing: IWACHAN DONT KICK DOWN MY DOOR

GrandKing: IOWACHANFBB

Kamachi: ..........

StressedMom™: ...........

Tiny: ............

LockOn: ..........

Noodles: ............

SaltyShort: ...............

TallerSalt: ...........

Futashit: ...........

Futashit: I guess they're gone now?

Futashit: damnit why does nobody tell me when drama is happeninggggg you guys seriously

LockOn: ...........

Futashit: wAIT DONT BE MAD AONE

SaltyCaramel: Aone?

SaltyCaramel: Is this Dateko's chat?

StressedMom™: What -

Kamachi: _fUCKING CHRIST WHAT NOW_

SaltyCaramel: Sorry

SaltyCaramel: Oikawa-san probably left a few of us on here

TallerSalt: "few of us" as in how many??

ShallotHead: Kunimi whats going on

SaltyCaramel: Get off your phone, Kindaichi

SaltyCaramel: Knowing Oikawa-san, "few of us" as in probably everyone except him and Iwaizumi-san

Noodles: .... oh god

TallerSalt: what

Futashit: oh my god

Futashit: this is _amazing_

Futashit: HELLO YOU GUYS

ShallotHead: hello??

Futashit: dont sound so unsure

ShallotHead: im sorry!!

StressedMom™: Oh dear

StressedMom™: This doesn't look too good

Kamachi: I fucking hate Oikawa

Hanamemeki: oho whats this

Memetsukawa: oooh waddup

Hanamemeki: this doesnt look like our chat does it

Memetsukawa: nopeeee

Hanamemeki: we shouldnt slack off our duties just because of this though

Futashit: why am i getting a bad feeling

Memetsukawa: not at all makki

SaltyCaramel: oh no.

SaltyCaramel: I'm really sorry for what's about to happen.

ShallotHead: (its really best if you dont look!!)

Hanamemeki: [image sent]

Hanamemeki: [image sent]

Hanamemeki: [image sent]

Kamachi: what

Kamachi: hoyl fudk wahwt

Kamachi: BURN OUT MY EYES WHAET THE FUKC ETHIHS

Hanamemeki: it called memes

Memetsukawa: tHE HOLY LIGHT

Futashit: NO

Futashit: WHAT

Futashit: NO

Tiny: .... @_@

StressedMom™: SAKUNAMI DONT LOOK

StressedMom™: SOMEONE TAKE SAKUNAMI AWAY

Tiny: um

Tiny: are these even memes anymore

Hanamemeki: HARDCCORE MEMES BABYYYYYY

Futashit: are they like

Futashit: constantly drunk

ShallotHead: ... well theyre less like this in real life ... ?

SaltyCaramel: not much, though.

Memetsukawa: MY TURRRNN

Memetsukawa: [image sent]

Memetrukawa: [image sent]

Futashit: dear god

Futashit: wheres the holy water

TallerSalt: cOMING FROM U FUTASHIT

Memetsukawa: [image sent]

Memetsukawa: [image sent]

Hanamemeki: [image sent]

Hanamemeki: ?? do you dateko guys not know memes

StressedMom™: Well

StressedMom™: No

StressedMom™: Not like this.

Futashit: MY EYES

Futashit: AAFDSHGKSJFSDFKLHSDHLK

Memetsukawa: oh come on its not that bad >___>

Futashit: WHAT EVEN IS THIS MONSTROSITY

Hanamemeki: memes.

Hanamemeki: [image sent]

Hanamemeki: [image sent]

Memetsukawa: hey makki

Hanamemeki: mattsun

Memetsukawa: if these guys havent had the oppourtinity to have memes flooding their chats every second of the day like us seijoh guys have

Memetsukawa: they must be extremely meme deprived

Hanamemeki: oh no poor babies

Hanamemeki: ur right

Futashit: nO

Futashit: KAMASAKI-SAN KICK THEM OUT PLEASE

Futashit: PLEASE GET THEM OUT OF HERE

Futashit: I PROMISE NEVER TO MAKE FUN OF YOUR HACKING SKILLS AGAIN

Noodles: big words futashit

TallerSalt: and anyway he is trying to kick them out thats why kamasaki-san is holed up in his room right now with like fifty computers and tablets and gadgets trying to figure out how the fuck oikawa got into dateko's network in the first place

Hanamemeki: DONT WORRY MEME DEPRIVED CHILDREN

Memetsukawa: THE ULTIMATE IS COMINGG

Futashit: damnit i need to get off my phone but somehow I cant let go

Noodles: im sort of anticipating in the most morbid way possible

TallerSalt: that doesnt even make any sense

Futashit: Hopefully aone and sakunami have turned their phones off like the sensible people they are

Futashit: the only pure people in this group chat

SaltyShort: whats going on

SaltyShort: .....

SaltyShort: well fuck.

SaltyShort: im outta here.

Futashit: ... bye?

Hanamemeki: bEHOLD IN ALL ITS GLORY

Hanamemeki: [image sent]

Futashit: shitshit

Futashit: wait

Futashit: it says image error

TallerSalt: me too???

Tiny: what did he just send

Futashit: nO SAKUNAMI STAY AWAY

Tiny: Ive seen memes before

Tiny: is the signal down again?

Kamachi: DID I STOP IT

Kamachi: I STOPPED IT RIGHT

Futashit: KAMASAKI-SAN

SaltyShort: whelp

SaltyShort: guess you dragged them back to their own chat just in time

SaltyShort: phew

AngryBird: IM BACK FROM TRAIINIG SENPIA

AngryBird: WAIT WHATSR JUST HEAPPENING

Futashit: you still dont know what your fucking caps lock is oh my god kogane

AngryBird: CASP LOCK?

AngryBird: ILL JSUT SCROLL UP AND SERE WHAT I MISSEF

Futashit: fuck

Futashit: KOGANEGAWA

Futashit: STOP RIGHT THERE

Futashit: DON T SCROLL UP

Futashit: CAN YOU HEAR ME

Noodles: we all can, stop yelling out of your window we're t e x t i n g

Futashit: KOGANE

Futashit: crap

Futashit: Sakunami?

Tiny: oh

Tiny: oh dear

Tiny: hes reading the memes

Futashit: oh no

Tiny: wait

Tiny: i dont think he gets them

Tiny: he doesnt get them

Noodles: youre _joking_

Tiny: im not, onagawa-san

Noodles: _no way_

Futashit: shut up pantaloons

Futashit: its better this way

Futashit: at least he doesnt understand them like we did

Futashit: ill just go and scrub my eyes out with bleach, bye

LockOn: Bleach is a bad idea.

Futashit: Aone you didnt see the memes did you?

LockOn: You'll need something stronger than bleach if you want to get rid of those memes.

Futashit: ... you saw them didnt you

LockOn: ..................

Futashit: omg im so sorry aone

Futashit: rip

Noodles: rip all of us and the innocence our eyes never had

TallerSalt: ^ my life motto lmao

StressedMom™: Well ... now that drama is all over it's time for bed, you don't have any more assignments today

Futashit: im never going near those seijoh guys again oh my god

Tiny: well they did sort of save your life a few times

Futashit: ..................

Futashit: im never going near those seijoh guys again unless i absolutely have to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found some pretty horrific memes whilst "researching" for this chapter, I'll go wash my eyes with bleach with Futakuchi @_@   
> SEIJOH GATE CRASHES THE PARTY WHOOP WHOOP   
> You guys can imagine what Iwaizumi did to Oikawa ;)   
> (Expect Seijoh to appear in the future! Along with other groups, too, probably!) 
> 
> ALL ABOARD THE DATEKO CHAOS TRAIN! NEXT STOP - A VISIT WITH KARASUNO AND MORE CHAOS!


	4. "I can smell the tragic chaos in the near future"

 

StressedMom™: Good morning everyone!!!

Kamachi: wow ur in a good mood did smth hapen

StressedMom™: Kamachi what happened to your texting

Kamachi: s fudgng 7am

Kamachi: dyou think i type prprly

StressedMom™: Um

StressedMom™: Yes?

Kamachi: just cz u type w/ perfect grammr n stuff

Kamachi: nyway

StressedMom™: Well

StressedMom™: We've got an online meeting with the Karasuno group in the afternoon

StressedMom™: Not really mission related, though a few people will probably talk about them

StressedMom™: Since their headquarters are kinda far from us? We thought it would be more practical to chat online

Futashit: nO MORE MEMES PLEAESE

StressedMom™: Futakuchi!

Futashit: iLL dIE

Futashit: pLEASE

StressedMom™: I don't think they'll be as ... um, meme-y as the Seijoh people were, it should be fine!

Tiny: sounds fun!

Tiny: and really, it was only Hanamaki-san and Matsukawa-san who were memeing

Futashit: what

Futashit: Hanamemeki and Memetsukawa

Futashit: WHAT OH MY GOD ITS THEM???

Kamachi: fsf u didnt notice

Futashit: I WAS TOO BUSY IN AGONY FROM THE MEMES

Futashit: LIKE HANAMAKI AND MATSUKAWA, SEIJOH'S TOP TWO SHARPSHOOTERS AND ASSASSINS?????

Tiny: i assume so???

Kamachi: duh

Futashit: wow way to ruin my impression of them i dont think ill ever respect them after this

LockOn: Their memes don't make them any less good at what they do.

Futashit: true

Futashit: hey hey do you think I should send those memes to the Karasuno group

Kamachi: NO

Tiny: that would be a really bad idea!!!

LockOn: Don't try it.

Futashit: haha fine fine

LockOn: ..........................

Futashit: wAIT I SWEAR I WONT AONE dONT KILL ME

Noodles: oo ur telepathic thng agan

Futashit: did you turn autocorrect off

Noodles: 2 early in the mornng

Noodles: still in bed u no

Futashit: it's SEVEN

Noodles: do u hear urself???

Noodles: who tf gets up at 7

Futashit: idk, if we have missions at the break of dawn like we have a lot??????

Futashit: i know you can get up that early you liar

TallerSalt: yh he can wake up that early and function properly throughout the mission, he just eats sixteen cup noodles and goes to sleep for the entire day afterwards though, remember?

Futashit: omg I thought that was just a one time thing

Noodles: speaking f dawn missions wheres Jingo

Futashit: hes literally never on the gruop chat i never know what the kid is doing

LockOn: He's on a mission, he'll be back in less than an hour if he completes it. Koganegawa went with him and Sasaya-san is handling.

Futashit: dID I JUST HEAR CORRECTLY

LockOn: We're texting.

Futashit: ....

Futashit: dID I JUST READ CORRECTLY

Noodles: wait wait

Noodles: you sent the noobs out on a mission??

Kamachi: theyre not noobs

Kamachi: well

Kamachi: Sasaya and Fukiage aren't noobs

StressedMom™: I mean, the only way for them to stop being "noobs" is for them to get enough actual experience, right?

StressedMom™: It's actually a solo mission, Kogane will only be acting as a backup and an extra pair of eyes

Noodles: oh no

Noodles: poor Jingo

TallerSalt: ehhhh I think theyll be fine

Kamachi: kogane is an idiot but he knows when not to be one

StressedMom™: He's still learning, we all were at one point

Futashit: hopefully they make it back in one piece lol

TallerSalt: ^ bc someone didnt

Futashit: I STILL HAVE MY ARMS

Futashit: WHY IS EVERYONE STILL MAKING A FUSS ABOUT THAT

Noodles: idk

Noodles: maybe bc u were so careless it was funny

Futashit: IM NEVER CARELESS

Futashit: IM ALWAYS CAREFUL

LockOn: Just now you were texting whilst you were going down the stairs and fell down the last ten steps.

Noodles: OMFG SO THAT WAS THE LOUD BANGING I HEARD JUST NOW

Noodles: GET REKT FUTAKUCHI HAHAHAHAHAHA

TallerSalt: HOW ARE YOU EVEN STILL ALIVE AS A HITMAN LMAOOOOO

StressedMom™: Futakuchi, be a bit more careful

StressedMom™: Missions aren't the only places where accidents can happen

Futashit: THAT WAS LITERALLY

Futashit: ADFJHSDKFJHSDFHAKDLFH

Futashit: I HATE YOU ALL

Noodles: .... drama queen

TallerSalt: I hear him screaming outside HAHAHAHAAAAAA

StressedMom™: You guys should be a bit nicer to Futakuchi

Noodles: we will

Noodles: when hes paid all his debts to us

TallerSalt: i swear hes still going through his rebellious teen phase

LockOn: ... but Futakuchi _is_ a teen, isn't he?

Noodles: well

Noodles: yes

Noodles: but

Noodles: hes a hitman hes supposed to be more mature

Kamachi: r u evn hering urself rn

Kamachi: who tf is matur here

Kamachi: xcpt moniwa and aone

Kamachi: and jingo

Kamachi: why is 1 f our youngst mor matur / u guys

StressedMom™: Kamasaki, go and have breakfast

StressedMom™: Nobody can tell what you're typing when you're half asleep

Kamachi: m not half aslep

Kamachi: m half awak

Noodles: ... isnt that the same thing

TallerSalt: if a glass of water is half empty is it half full

Noodles: it cant be two at once

Noodles: shit wait yes it can

Noodles: wait what

TallerSalt: if im half dead am i half alive

Noodles: yes since ur not dead yet

Noodles: wait what is half dead

Noodles: can u be exactly half? 50% dead?

Noodles: how tf doe that even work

TallerSalt: if ur half tall are u half short

Noodles: sTOP CONFUSING ME

Noodles: YOU CANT BE HALF TALL YOU DUMB FUCK

StressedMom™: Language, Onagawa

Noodles: sorry mom

Noodles: too early in the mornng to think

StressedMom™: I know you guys are faking it, you've been much more alert at earlier hours before

Noodles: mISSIONS hAPPENeD thEN

Kamachi: lmao i love how moniwa is perfectly fine with pantaloons calling him mom

Kamachi: see, i knew i chose the perfect username for you

StressedMom™: I see your brain is back online again

Kamachi: what do you mean it was always online

StressedMom™: Did you see your earlier texts?

Kamachi: ..... it WAS online

Kamachi: it was just lagging

Kamachi: a lot

SaltyShort: is your brain a computer, kamachi?

StressedMom™: Aren't you supposed to be on your mission?

SaltyShort: finished

SaltyShort: mission success

SaltyShort: as usual

Noodles: .... except that one time not so long ago with Futashit

Futashit: wHEN WILL EVERYONE LET THAT MISSION GO OH MY GOD

Futashit: aND MY NAME IS FUTAKUCHI KENJI

TallerSalt: really? thats not what i see

Futashit: kAMSAKI-SAN

Kamachi: haha

Kamachi: no.

Futashit: YOU GUYS HAVE ALL FAILED MISSIONS BEFORE OKAY

Futashit: STOP NAGGING ME ABOUT THAT ONE TIME IT WAS LITERALLY THE ONLY TIME IVE FAILED A MISSION AND IT WASNT EVEN A FAILURE I SHOT MY TARGET

Tiny: but none of us have been injured to the point where an amputation was an actual risk?

Futashit: damnit sakunami you're supposed to be the nice one

Tiny: ...u m

Tiny: what?

Futashit: sTOP BEING SO INNOCENT I CANT GET ANGRY AT YOU FDHSDSD

Futashit: I AM PERFECTLY FINE

Futashit: YOU GUYS ARE ALL OVERREACTING

LockOn: You had to learn to shoot with your other hand because you still can't shoot with your injured one.

Futashit: aONE -

LockOn: You can't use rifles either, because the recoil would put too much strain on your shoulder after it's just about started healing.

Futashit: A O N E

LockOn: There is a reason why you've been held back from doing missions for the last few days and will be held back from doing missions for the next month at the very least.

Futashit: i AM GOING TO GO ON A FUCKING MISSION BEFORE A MONTH PASSES OKAY

Noodles: true

Noodles: futashit always bounces back quickly

TallerSalt: ~~unfortunately~~

Futashit: fUCK YOU GUYS

Futashit: NOBODY ELSE CAN GET A KILL FROM MY DISTANCE

Kamachi: ah, modesty

Futashit: IM JUST STATING FACTS

StressedMom™: Let's take a break from being so intense, okay?

Noodles: but seriously sometimes i wonder whether futashit is human

TallerSalt: remember that one time during his assassination mission

LockOn: The one where he was discovered before he even killed his target?

Futashit: noooo you guys

Noodles: yes hahaha

Tiny: wasnt that when futakuchi-san had to track down his target and have a hand to hand battle with him even though it was supposed to be a long-range kill?

Futashit: hOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE TARGET WOULD RUN AWAY STRAIGHT INTO THE BUILDING I WAS IN

TallerSalt: you both ended up falling out of the window how hilarious was that

StressedMom™: ... that really wasn't that hilarious, you know ...

StressedMom™: Eight stories is a really long distance

LockOn: Futakuchi has too much luck.

Futashit: wHAT DO YOU MEAN TOO MUCH

Futashit: IF I DIDNT HAVE THIS MUCH LUCK I WOULD HAVE DIED LIKE SIXTEEN TIMES OVER

Kamachi: so youre admititng that most of your "skill" is just dumb luck

Futashit: WHAT

Futashit: NO

Futashit: NO IM NOt

Meatbuns1: WWWUUOAAHHH HE SURVIVED A FALL FROM EIGHT FLOORS UP?????

Meatbuns1: THATS SO COOOOOOOOLLLL!!!!!!!!11!!!1!!!1

StressedMom™: Hello, Hinata ^_^

Meatbuns1: HELLO MONIWA-SAN :DDD

Futashit: wait wait wait

Futashit: who the fuck is this

StressedMom™: I just said, it's Hinata

StressedMom™: From Karasuno

Noodles: WHY IS KARASUNO CRASHING OUR CHAT NOW

StressedMom™: Didn't you read the earlier messages?

StressedMom™: Karasuno is having a joint chat with us for a while.

Kamachi: i couldnt be bothered to create a seperate chat room so i just let them onto our chat

Kamachi: thats fine, right?

StressedMom™: Yep! Thanks, Kamachi

Meatbuns2: DAMNIT HINATA DONT LOG IN BEFORE I DO

Meatbuns1: THAT MAKES IT MY WIN, KAGEYAAMAAAA

Noodles: Kageyama?

Noodles: that legendary guy?

Futashit: theres lots of legendary guys pantaloons

TallerSalt: ur just jealous because he's killed from a longer distance than you have

Futashit: im not

TallerSalt: u r

Futashit: iM NOT

Noodles: yes u r

Futashit: IM FUCKING NOT

Meatbuns2: ... not what?

Futashit: NOTHING

Meatbuns2: okay

Meatbuns2: OI HINATA

Meatbuns1: IDK WHEN THE OTHERS ARE GOING TO LOG ON

Meatbuns2: OKAY

Kamachi: whoa whoa

Kamachi: you knew what he was going to say?

SaltyShort: heyyy thats crazy

SaltyShort: is it like the creepy thing aone and futa can do?

LockOn: It's not creepy.

Meatbuns2: ???

Meatbuns1: ???

Meatbuns1: Kageyama is next to me?

Meatbuns1: He just yells out what he's typing

Meatbuns1: he asked the question and i answered it before he pressed send

Meatbuns2: LIAR I DO NOT

Noodles: HAHA FUTA DOES THAT TOO

Futashit: I DO NOT

StressedMom™: Futakuchi, stop screaming in real life, it's loud enough over text

Futashit: moniwa-san why

Noodles: "KOGANE DONT SCROLL UP"

Futashit: I HAD TO YELL THEN

Futashit: THE IDIOT WAS TRYING TO LOOK AT THE MEMES AND WOULDNT HAVE SEEN MY TEXTS

Meatbuns1: memes?

Meatbuns2: what memes?

Futashit: ............

LockOn: .................

StressedMom™: ................

Kamachi: ...............

Noodles: .....................

TallerSalt: .......................

SaltyShort: .................

Tiny: .......................

Sugarandsalt: ... bad experience?

Meatbuns1: SUGA-SANNNNNN

Sugarandsalt: Hello, Hinata, Kageyama

StressedMom™: Aren't you guys in the same building?

Sugarandsalt: Most of them are, but me and Daichi just finished a mission, so we're on our way back right now.

StressedMom™: Oh, really? How did it go?

Sugarandsalt: It went fine! I think Karasuno is on a successful-mission streak at the moment, actually xD

Sugarandsalt: They've been doing so well ~

StressedMom™: That's nice to hear!

Sugarandsalt: What about Dateko? Your missions?

StressedMom™: Well ...

StressedMom™: For the most part, they've been doing fine as well?

StressedMom™: We've had a bit of drama recently, to be honest.

Sugarandsalt: Oh, what kind?

StressedMom™: Futakuchi almost lost his arm after killing his target recently, and Seijoh's Oikawa hacked into our chatroom yesterday ...

Sugarandsalt: Ouch, is he okay?

Sugarandsalt: Oikawa hacked into our chatrooms too, recently ...

Sugarandsalt: I'm slightly concerned that our security isn't enough to stop him xD

StressedMom™: He's fine, he just can't go on missions for a while.

StressedMom™: Honestly, I'm glad someone like Oikawa is our ally!

Sugarandsalt: His skills sure are handy xD

StressedMom™: Also

StressedMom™: Why are the rest of you guys being so quiet?

StressedMom™: That's not like you

Futashit: ...... its just

Noodles: you guys are having a normal conversation

Kamachi: with good grammar and punctuation

TallerSalt: amazing

StressedMom™: Come on, it's not that hard to type properly

Meatbuns1: BUT NOBODY BOTHERS

Sugarandsalt: Hinata, what did I say about caps lock

Meatbuns1: sorry suga-san

Meatbuns2: WE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO EXPESS OURSELVES THROUGH OUR TEXTING

Futashit: its "express"

Meatbuns2: It's "it's", not "its"

Futashit: ........

Meatbuns2: .......

Futashit: you know i was about to say FITE ME but i cant take you seriously with that username so xDDDDDD

Meatbuns2: WHATS WRONG WITH MY USERNAME

Futashit: it's "What's" with an '

Meatbuns2: .......

RAWR: WHOS MESSING WITH OUR KOUHAIS GET READY TO GET WREKCED

Futashit: It's "Who's"

Futashit: "Wrecked" isn't spelt like that

RAWR: YOU WANNA FIGHT

Futashit: I'd rather not, thank you

Kamachi: HAHA LOOK AT LITTLE FUTASHIT TYPING WITH PERFECT GRAMMAR

Futashit: look at you, Kamasaki-san

Kamachi: WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN YOU LITTLE SHIT

Futashit: nothing.

RAWR: IM NOT FINISHED WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Sugarandsalt: Tanaka, what did I say about taking your shirt off every time someone angers you

Futashit: PFfftt

StressedMom™: Futakuchi, no.

Futashit: but moniwa-saaann

StressedMom™: No.

TallerSalt: Wow look at the team moms go

Nayeeta: Oh, it's Dateko

Kinokino: Narita, aren't you supposed to be on a mission?

Nayeeta: I finished

Nayeeta: Aren't you supposed to be manning our online security right now, Kinoshita?

Kinokino: Ennoshita is covering it right now with Nishinoya and Asahi

Kinokino: (im glad noya isnt here the chat would have exploded already)

Futashit: seee Kamasaki-san they have more than one person handling online security if you just let any of us share the work maybe you wouldn't overlook things and let Oikawa into our chat

Kamachi: SHUT UP YOU LITTLE FUCKER

Kamachi: I CAN DUMP ALL THOSE RESPONSIBILITIES ONTO YOU IF YOU WANT

Kamachi: NOT THAT YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT COMPUTERS

Dadchi: oh dear

Dadchi: We've barely just started but I already see the chaos ahead

StressedMom™: I'm wondering whether it was a really good idea to invite all of Karasuno ... @_@ when it's bad enough with Dateko already

Sugarandsalt: Tanaka is yelling about fighting Futakuchi, I don't think they've even met in person yet

Dadchi: Ah, well

Dadchi: That's just the kind of person he is

Dadchi: Let's not let this marr our friendship as Dateko and Karasuno, yeah?

StressedMom™: Definitely 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE WILL BE MORE KARASUNO IN THE NEXT CHAPTER THIS ISNT THE END XD  
> Ah   
> I love chaos   
> And Dateko   
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter ^_^ Please look forward to the next ones too \\(^0^)/


	5. The power of the team moms

 

StressedMom™: Futakuchi, hush

Futashit: MONIWA-SAN I AM NOT A BABY

Kamachi: might as well be

Futashit: KAMASAKI-SAN NO

Kinokino: Soooooo

Nayeeta: I wonder what kind of drama will go down now

Kinkino: Lucky ennoshita

Kinkino: I can already tell the torture that's gonna come

Kinokino: can I log off

Sugarandsalt: Kinoshita, that'd be rude to Dateko

Kinokimo: fiine fine

Kinokino: wait and see what happens im right

AngryBird: HELLIO HINATA ANS KAGEYAMA

MeatBuns1: HIII KOGANEGAWA

AngryBird: HINATA HI

MeatBuns2: KOGE-

MeatBuns2: KOGANA-

Meatbuns2: KONAGEAWA-

Meatbuns2: ....

Meatbuns2: KOGANEGAWA

Futashit: the fuck

MeatBuns1: ITS NOT HARD TO TYPE A NAME KAGEYAMA

MeatBuns1: YOU DIDNT HAVE 2 COPY AND PASTE

Kamachi: hE COPIED AND PASTED?? AHAHAHAHA

AngryBird: KAGEYAMA HI

MeatBuns1: YO WHAT WERE U DOING

AngryBird: I EAS AT RHE SHOITING RANHE WITH FUTAKUCHI SEMPAI

MeatBuns2: shooting range?

AngryBird: YEPP

StressedMom™: FUTAKUCHI

Futashit: oops

Futashit: damnit kogane

StressedMom™: I TOLD YOU TO STOP GOING TO THE FIRING RANGE

Futashit: erm

Kamachi: lol moniwa's mad now

SaltyShort: rip futashit

Futashit: fuck off

Kamachi: im ur senpai remember

Futashit: tch

StressedMom™: Futakuchi, there's a reason why you've been restricted from going on missions recently

Futashit: uh

Futashit: I can't let my skills get rusty?

Noodles: that didnt sound so sure to me ;)

Futashit: fuck offff

StressedMom™: Futakuchi

Futashit: yes

Futashit: im sorry

StressedMom™: Aone, if he tries to go again stop him

Aone: Okay.

Futashit: aone

Futashit: wait

Futashit: aone??

Aone: You should listen to Moniwa-san.

Futashit: wait

Futashit: aone

Aone: If you keep shooting you'll damage your body more.

Futashit: aone

Futashit: hold on a second

Aone: It was really mostly your own fault that you almost got shot, you get too comfortable after you kill your target and you forget that you're not alone in tje area.

Futashit: aone wait a minute

Aone: You should take this chance to rest and listen to Moniwa-san and Sakunami, who apparently know better than you.

Futashit: what-

Futashit: Aone

Aone: If you're still at the range I'm coming down and dragging you back to your room.

Futashit: AONE

Futashit: BETRAYAL

Futashit: YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME

Futashit: WAIT AONE

Futashit: AONEEJSKKDLAALFUDKD

Sugarandsalt: ... ookay

MeatBuns1: WHOO GO AONE

MeatBuns2: ... im glad Dateko are our friends

MeatBuns1: AONE ISNT SCARY

RAWR: YOU LITERALLY SHRIEK EVWRYTIME YOU SEE HIM

Futashit: *every time

RAWR: YOU WANNA GO AT IT HUUUUHH

Futashit: I'm good, thanks

MeatBuns1: tHATS BECAUSE I NEVER NOTICE HIM FIRST AND STUFF

Kamachi: you'd do good to listen to Moniwa every now and then futashit

Futashit: CHANGE MY USERNAME PLEASE

Kamachi: because you know

Kamachi: if you had been more careful

Kamachi: you wouldn't have been

\- Kamachi has changed Futashit's username to Futashot -

Futashot: no

Futashot: no kamasaki-san

Futashot: N O

Futashot: fuck

Futashot: change it back

Futashot: please

LockOn: It's accurate.

Futashot: no it isnt stop betraying me

Futashot: Kamasaki-san

Futashot: youre so cruel

Noodles: HAHA HES ACTUALLY SO DISTRESSED RN

Noodles: DONT CRY

Futashot: Im not crying but I will kill someone

Kamachi: fine fine

Kamachi: it was for the joke anyway

Kamachi: hmmmm

\- Kamachi has changed Futashot's username to Kenji -

Kenji: what

Kenji: why

Kamachi: whats wrong

LockOn: ..........................

Kenji: ...

Kenji: nothing

Kenji: (Stop threatening me Aone)

LockOn: I wasn't threatening you.

Kenji: LIAR

Kenji: I SEE THROUGH YOUR INNOCENT ACT

RAWR: I SEE THRU UR INNOCENT ACT

RAWR: YOU WANNA GO AT IT

Sugarandsalt: Tanaka.

RAWR: ILL FIGHT YOU

RAWR: NOBODY MESSES WITH MY KOUHAI BECAUSE IM A SENPAI

Kenji: We're not in school

RAWR: COME HERE AND FIGHT ME

Dadchi: Tanaka.

RAWR: it was a pleasure meeting you Futakuchi

Kenji: ..... goodness

Kenji: (the power of parents)

Kinokino: damn right

Kinokino: count urself lucky daichi stopped him

Kenji: what

Kenji: hey I could beat him in a fight

Kamachi: not now you couldn't

Kamachi: since you decided to go and get shot

Kenji: I COULD

TallerSalt: mhmmm

MeatBuns2: He's really strong though, isn't he ..?

Kamachi: nah

Kamachi: his reputation is inflated

Kenji: KAMASAKI-SAN

MeatBuns2: whats an inflated reputation ...?

MeatBuns1: ...idk ...?

CrankyGlasses: an inflated reputation is what you have

MeatBuns1: OH HEY TSUKISHIMA

Freckles: well

Freckles: Kageyama, an inflated repuation is like what you have but when the person isn't actually that good

CrankyGlasses: don't sugarcoat things, Yamaguchi

Freckles: sorry, Tsukki

Freckles: (thats basically is tho)

MeatBuns2: ....oh

MeatBuns2: so he isnt that good?

Kenji: I AM THAT GOOD FUCK YOU

Sugarandsalt: Don't swear

Sugarandsalt: especially not to my children

Kenji: ....

LockOn: ........

Kenji: sorry I wont

LockOn: And Futakuchi's reputation isn't inflated.

Kenji: AONE OMG IM SO TOUCHED

MeatBuns2: oh ok

Kenji: AONE YOURE AMAZING

LockOn: I see you.

Kenji: HAHA WHAT

Kenji: IM NOT DOING ANYTHING

RAWR: CAUGHT RED HANDED BASTARDDD

Kenji: oh shut up

Dadchi: Tanaka.

RAWR: ---

LockOn: Get back inside the house, Futakuchi.

MeatBuns1: HEY HEY KAGEYAMA

MeatBuns1: HES PROBABLY -

MeatBuns2: HES PROBABLY SNEAKING OUT TO SHOOT LIKE WE ARE NOW

MeatBuns1: YEAH YEAH THAT

Sugarandsalt: .... What?

MeatBuns1: Oh

MeatBuns2: oops

MeatBuns1: damnit kageyama

MeatBuns2: youre the one that agreed with me!!

MeatBuns1: you said it in the first place!!

MeatBuns2: well if you werent dumb enough to decide to sneak out and shoot even when Suga-san said not to!!!

MeatBuns1: STUPID KAGEYAMA

MeatBuns2: HINATA BOKE

Dadchi: ... Well, at least we know where they are.

Sugarandsalt: I'm coming to fetch you two. Don't move unless you want to be grounded.

Kenji: HAHAHAHA

LockOn: Futakuchi, I'm coming to take you back now.

Kenji: wairwait ill go back insdie I swesr

LockOn: I'm also taking away your guns for at least four days.

Kenji: wAIT YOU CANT DK THAT

LockOn: I can.

Kenji: dONT TAKE MY CHILDREN FROM ME

MeatBuns1: CHILDREN??

MeatBuns2: YOU HAVE CHULDTEN??

MeatBuns1: KAGEYAMA YOUR AUTOCRRECT IS TURND OFF

MeatBuns2: SO ID YOURS

Kenji: im talking about my guns you idiots

Sugarandsalt: Futakuchi

Kenji: ugh fine fine fine

Kenji: (I'm coming back in, Aone)

Kenji: (dont kill me)

Dadchi: Kinoshita, Nishinoya said that he wants time on the joint chat as well, could you take over his part of the security for a bit?

Kinokino: sure

Kinokino: (haha lucky me)

Kinokino: (rip you guys)

Noodles: am I supposed to be scared

Noodles: ....

Noodles: I am scared

Kinokino: (trust me you should be)

Kinokino: (goodbye)

rOLLINGTHUNDR: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Noodles: ... i feel like my reason for being scared came true

Kenji: coward

Noodles: whos the one who screamed like a baby when the bullet was being removed

Kenji: I didnt scream

TallerSalt: dude i could hear you from outside

rOLLINGTHUNDR: EXCUSE ME SIRS DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT SHIMIZU KIYOKO

Kenji: no

RAWR: YOU DARE

Kenji: dude i havent even seen you guys in person except Hinata and Kageyama, idk all of you

RAWR: YOU DARED

rOLLINGTHUNDR: HE DARED

rOLLINGTHUNDR: RYU

Dadchi: no.

rOLLINGTHUNDR: BUT

RAWR: KIYOKO-SAN

Dadchi: Stop bothering them.

Squeak: I didn't realize this was online!! I'm sorry!! Hello everyone!!

Kenji: squeak?

Kenji: what kind of name is that

Squeak: um

Kenji: who named you guys again i forgot

Kenji: people should really stop changing other people's usernames and not telling them how to change it back

Kenji: _like a certain someone i know_

Kenji: .....

Kenji: Kamasaki-san stop ghosting the chat

Kamachi: well some of us are actually busy

Kamachi: Moniwa and Sasaya are out doing smth idk

Kamachi: thats why theyre not on the chat

LockOn: Maybe you should try being a bit quieter instead.

Kenji: WHA -

rOLLINGTHUNDR: BURN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

Dadchi: Nishinoya, no.

roLLINGTHUNDR: Nishinoya yes

Dadchi: NIshinoya,

Sugarandsalt: no.

rOLLINGTHUNDR: ..................

Kenji: I swear everybody hates me today

LockOn: Stop being dramatic.

Kenji: EVEN YOU AONE YOU BETRAYED ME

LockOn: You're being an idiot.

Kenji: SEEE

LockOn: Are you high on the painkillers again?

Kenji: what

Kenji: no

Kenji: ... shit

Kenji: am i????

Tiny: ... i think you're supposed to know that yourself

MeatBuns2: HA I BEAT YOU TO IT HINATA

MeatBuns1: DAMNIT KAGEYAMA

MeatBuns1: IM GONNA LOG IN AGAIN FIRST NEXT TIME

LockOn: Do you always do this?

MeatBuns1: YEa!

MeatBuns2: ... oh i just scrolled up

MeatBuns2: how are you even still alive?

Kenji: eXUSE YOU

MeatBuns2: ... excuse me for what?

Kenji: oh my gdo

Kenji: im elaving

LockOn: You can't type properly, you probably are high again.

Kenji: can i

Kenji: wait Moniwa-san istn here

Kenji: ehhe i can leave wihtout being told not to nwo

LockOn: ... I should probably check on him.

MeatBuns1: GOOD LUCK XDD

MeatBuns2: hey hey doesnt he remind you of yourself kageyama

MeatBuns2: that one time you got drunk

MeatBuns2: and stole your phone back from Suga-san

MeatBuns1: WE DO NOT SPEAK OF TAHT

MeatBuns1: IT IS _HISTORY_

Noodles: oooh tell us

TallerSalt: im excited now

AngryBird: IM BAKC

AngryBird: OOOOOH WAHT HAPPENED

MeatBuns1: SO BASICALLY

MeatBuns1: WE HAD OUR PHONES TAKEN FROM US BY SUGA-SAN BECAUSE

MeatBuns1: ER

MeatBuns1: SOMETHING I CANT REMEMBER BUT IT AS MISSION RELATED

MeatBuns1: OR MAYBE WE DID SOMETHING BAD

RAWR: IT WAS WHEN YOU ACCIDENTLY ON PURPOSE PRANK CALLED NEKOMA AND CHALLENGED THEM TO A DEATH MATCH

Noodles: YOU DID WHAT??

rOLLLINGTHUNDR: LUCKILY NEKOMA ARE STILL OUR FRIENDS THEY FOUND IT FUNNY ACTUALLY BUT

MeatBuns2: IT WAS YOU WHO CALLED THEM

MeatBuns2: I GOT INTO TROUBLE BECAUAE OF YOU

MeatBuns2: HINATA BOKE

MeatBuns1: DUMBASS KAGEYAMA

MeatBuns2: HINATA BOKE

MeatBuns1: DUMBASS KAGEYAMA

Noodles: putting aside your lovers quarrel ...

rOLLINGTHUNDR: HAHA GOOD ONE

rOLLINGTHUNDR: ANWYAY

RAWR: THATS WHY THEY AHD THEIR PHONES CONFISTICATED

MeatBuns1: AND THEN LIKE A DAY OR SOMEHING LATER

MeatBuns2: KAGEYAMA GOT DRUNK

RAWR: HOW DID HE GET DRUNK AGAIN

MeatBuns2: THIS IS ALL COMPLETELY IRRELAVENT

MeatBuns2: THIS IS ALL IN THE PAST

MeatBuns2: IT DOES NOT NEED TO BE BROUGHT UP AGAIN

Kenji: I WANNA KNOW

Noodles: WHY ARE YOU BACK ON HERE DIDNT AONE TAKE CARE OF YOUR DRUNK ASS

Kenji: SHHHH IM HIDING FROM HIM

Noodles: THATS A DUMB FUCKING IDEA

Noodles: YOU KNOW KAMASAKI-SAN CAN TRACK YOUR PHONE LOCATION IN LIKE

Noodles: TWO SECONDS

Kenji: SO HURRY UP AND FINISH THE STORY BEFORE THEY FIND ME

MeatBuns1: YEAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

MeatBuns1: SO HE GOT DRUNK BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THE ALCOHOL WAS APPLE JUICE OR SOMETHING

MeatBuns1: HES A LIGHTWEIGHT

Sugarandsalt: WHY DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??

MeatBuns1: SO HE GOT DRUNK

RAWR: COMPLETELY DRUNK OFF HIS ASS HAHAHAH

rOLLINGTHUDNR: AND THEN AND THEN

rOLLINGTHUNDR: HE RAN INTO DAICHI WHO THOUGHT HE WAS TAKING DRUGS

MeatBuns1: EBCAUSE THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME WHEN KAGEYAMA CAME BACK FROM A MISSION BUT HED GOTTEN INJURED SOMEHOW SO HE WENT BY HIMSELF TO THE MEDICAL ROOM AND GOT HOLD OF A PACK OF CODEINE

Kenji: THATS WHAT I TOOK JUST NOW

MeatBuns1: AND YOU KNOW HOW ITS A PAINKILLER BUT YOU CAN ALSO GET HIGH OFF IT

MeatBuns2: OI I KNEW THE RISKS

MeatBuns2: THOES PILLS HAD ACETAMINOPHEN SO I DIDTN TAKE THAT MCUH OK

MeatBuns2: I WAS NOT HIGH

MeatBuns2: I WAS JUST SLEEPY

MeatBuns1: ANYWAY HE GOT HIGH AND WAS LAUGHING FOR LIKE THREE HORUS STRAIGHT

rOLLINGTHUNDER: YACHI WAS TERRIFIED XDDD

Squeak: No!! I was just surprised to see Kageyama-kun laughing so much!!!

Squeak: ... I didn't know he was high, though ...

MeatBuns2: LIES LIES LIES

MeatBuns2: DONT LISTEN

Kenji: HAHA IM SURPRISED YOU HAD SO MANY TYPOS IN THAT SENTENCE BUT YOU STILL MANAGED TO SPELL ACETAMINOPHEN CORRECTLY

Noodles: SHUT UP I KNOW YOU COPIED AND PASTED ACETAMINOPHEN BECAUSE YOURE TOO HIGH TO REMEMBER THE SPELLING THAT YOU DIDNT EVEN KNOW IN THE FIRST PLACE

MeatBuns1: WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT AGAIN

AngryBird: WHAT HAPPENED WEHN HWE WSA DRUNK?

MeatBuns1: O HYEAH!

MeatBuns1: SO HE WAS DRUNK AND THEN HE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO STEAL HIS PHONE BACK FROM SUGA-SAN

MeatBuns1: SOMEHOW

rOLLINGTHUNDR: I MEAN HE WAS DRUNK AND TIPSY AND TRIPPING ALL OVER THE PLACE I HAD NO IDEA HOW THAT HAPENED

MeatBuns1: YEAH YEAH YEAH AND THEN

MeatBuns1: HE SNUCK OFF SOMEWHERE STILL DRUNK

AngryBird: LIKE FUTAKUCHI SENPAI

AngryBird:

AngryBird: FUTAKUCHI SENPIA?

Noodles: HAHAHA AONE PROBABLY CAUGHT HIM

Kenji: HrerrtlNO HE DIDNTRWHSKakdfbsl\a s\\.

Noodles: YEP AONE GOT HIM

Noodles: CARRY ON

Sugarandsalt: WHY ARE YOU GUYS STILL ON HERE!!??

rOLLINGTHUNDR: SUGA-SAN

rOLLINGTHUNDR: UH

RAWR: WE CAN EXPLAIN

Sugarandsalt: You guys were literally chatting nonstop during the morning, were completely offline during the day, and NOW that it's two in the morning you decide to go back online and carry on??

Sugarandsalt: Kageyama, you have a solo mission tomorrow, you know that?

Sugarandsalt: In the MORNING?

Sugarandsalt: In about _TWO HOURS_?

Noodles: *grabs popcorn*

MeatBuns2: ..... um

StressedMom™: I was wondering why my phone kept going off in the middle of the night ...

StressedMom™: So that's why Aone dragged Futakuchi back to the house so late ...

Kenji: iM NO HIGH I SWEAR ONIWA-SAN

StressedMom™: Go back to bed, Futakuchi

StressedMom™: You too, Onagawa, Kogane

Noodles: yes mom

AngryBird: SORRY MOM

StressedMom™: Kogane, ask Kamasaki to fix your caps lock tomorrow, okay?

RAWR: (Man i wish Suga-san was that nice when we did something bad....)

Sugarandsalt: Go to sleep

Sugarandsalt: Be ready for your punishment in the morning

rOLLINGTHUNDER: (Yeah me too, Ryu)

StressedMom™: What are you talking about?

rOLLINGTHUNDER: Nothing

StressedMom™: Whispering doesn't work on chat, you know

RAWR: haha what

StressedMom™: You think I'm going to let them get away for free?

rOLLINGTHUNDER: ....

rOLLINGTHUNDR: at least we wont be suffering alone, Ryu

RAWR: *bro hug*

rOLLINGTHUNDR: if anyone in Karasuno sees these texts after our untimely deaths tomorrow ...

RAWR: Tell Kiyoko-san we loved her

Sugarandsalt: G o    t o    s l e e p

StressedMom™: ....

Sugarandsalt: .....

StressedMom™: Kids are a handful

Sugarandsalt: They sure are .......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if I made a mistake with the stuff I wrote about Acetaminophen and the other medicine stuff I honestly just found it off Google please don't believe a word I say xDDD  
> It's getting hard to find names for these chapters because they're all complete disasters xDDD Anyhow, I hope you found this entertaining!! I've almost finished the next chapter as well, it needs maybe an few hundred more words and some polishing up and then I'll post it ^_^


	6. " i see you making disrespectful gestures from your window "

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka Futakuchi tries to kill Oikawa but Oikawa ends up preaching to him in Shingeki no Kyojin instead  
> or   
> Oikawa Tooru needs better (and more) friends   
> or   
> Kamasaki needs to stop letting Seijoh onto the chat

 

Brat: ALRIGHT WHO TOOK IT

Noodles: took what

TallerSalt: jesus its like four in the morning

Brat: OKAY ITS KIND OF FUNNY BUT I DO NEED IT

Brat: also i told you i would go on a misison before two months passes haha

TallerSalt: maybe its a sign u should stay home

Brat: NOOO I WANT TO GO OUT

Brat: IVE BEEN COOPED UP IN HERE SO LONG

Brat: I WANNA GO OUT AND SHOOT PEOPLE

Kamachi: wth do u want

Brat: OH KAMASAKI-SAN CAN I CHECK THE SECURITY FEED FROM LAST NIGHT

Kamachi: no go 2 bed

Brat: I knew i could always count on u Kamasaki-san

Brat: nobody else is awake

Brat: guess ill have to go out and look for it myself

Kamachi: wait what

Kamachi: whats going on

Brat: oh hang on

Brat: what the fuck

Brat: what the actual fuck

Brat: i am going to murder them

Brat: someone help me murder them

Kamachi: who???

TallerSalt: u know what its too early im going to sleep

Noodles: good luck solving ur problems

Brat: YOU GUYS KNEW????

Brat: WHY DIDNT U TELL ME

Kamachi: ????????????????

Noodles: i mean its not like theyre trying to kill us

TallerSalt: also u can now reduce ur debt to us by getting pranked, we're doing u a favour

Brat: ..... what the actual fuck

Kamachi: wait dont go outside yet

Brat: dont worry so much you'll get wrinkles early

Brat: I know exactly where and who this little fucker who dares sneak into my room is

Kamachi: im confused

Kamachi: whoa whoa whoa wait

Kamachi: what am i seeing

Brat: your phone screen.

Kamachi: OKAY THATS GOING TOO FAR

Kamachi: I KNOW WE'RE MEANT TO FRIENDS AND ALL THAT BUT

Kamachi: CAN SOMEONE TELL OIKAWA TOORU TO STOP SNEAKING INTO OUR HOUSE AND MESSING WITH OUR STUFF????

Brat: apparently not

Brat: anyway ive got this covered

Brat: you can go to sleep now

Kamachi: fuck no

Kamachi: i am going to go out and tell this fucker to get out of our house

GrandKing: Oops

Brat: OIKAWA TOORU

Brat: YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO

GrandKing: Manners, I'm older than you

Brat: thankfully, i'd hate to think that you'd be alive for the rest of my life

Kamachi: we're like, hireable assassins mafia people, it doesnt work like that for us

GrandKing: Would you believe me if I told you that your friends set me up to this

Brat: ..... what

Kamachi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Brat: WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME

GrandKing: Maybe because you're a disrespectful, careless little kid

Brat: I AM NOT A KID

Brat: YOURE JUST OLD AS FUCK

GrandKing: I'm one year older than you

Brat: a years a long time, how many missions do you think i do in a year

GrandKing: Less than I do, probably.

Brat: EXCUSE ME 

Brat: AND I AM RESPECTFUL

Brat: only to people who deserve my respect

GrandKing: That's not the point of respect, you know

Brat: YES IT IS

Brat: PEOPLE WORK TO DESERVE RESPECT

Brat: AND YOU HAVE ONLY WORKED TO UNDERMINE MY NONEXISTENT RESPECT FOR YOU SO FAR

GrandKing: Glad to know

Brat: Why the fuck are you so hard to piss off

Kamachi: Futakuchi

Brat: what

Kamachi: Do remember who he is for at least a few seconds when you're talking

Brat:

Brat: so what

GrandKing: Kids these days don't know how to act around their superiors

Kamachi: (i agree with you on that and that only)

Brat: WHA

Brat: KAMASAKI-SAN

Brat: BETRAYAL

Kamachi: go back to bed

Kamachi: we can sort this out in the morning

Kamachi: (Oikawa, im trusting that youre not betraying us and planting bombs that will kill us all in our sleep)

GrandKing: You have my word

Brat: oh come on

Brat: Why are you polite to him

GrandKing: Jealous?

Brat: fuck no

Noodles: what the fuck is going on

Brat: go away pantaloons

Brat: or help me piss of this guy

Noodles: which one, Kamasaki-san or Oikawa?

Brat:

Brat: both

Noodles: im good thanks

Noodles: congrats on the shit youre going to get from Moniwa-san in the morning

Noodles: im out

Noodles: peace

Brat: ugh

Kamachi: its like

Kamachi: i see the sun coming up

Kamachi: unless youre gonna stay awake, go to bed

Brat: uuuuuuugh

GrandKing: Aren't you going to come and find me?

Brat: dont fucking move

Brat: im going to where you are

Brat: with my knife

Kamachi: you know what

Kamachi: im just trusting you not to destroy our alliance with seijoh

Kamachi: dont be irresponsible

Kamachi: goodnight

GrandKing: ... It appears he really did go to sleep

Brat: good

Brat: i can murder you in peace

GrandKing: I don't think you want to do that

Brat: why not

GrandKing: Once again, you are forgetting who I am

Brat: is that supposed to change anything

GrandKing: You know, I get that you're a sassy little shit but I do hope you're not mouthing off like this during your missions

Brat: why

GrandKing: Some people aren't as nice as me and don't like being ridiculed

GrandKing: I know of some high rankers who would probably want to kill you for being this disrespectful

Brat: Rank doesn't matter

Brat: it's the skill and the people you have on your side

Brat: age, organisation, race, whatever

Brat: once it gets down to the bullets everyone's equal, so what's the difference?

GrandKing: Futakuchi

Brat: oIkAwA-sAn

Brat: You're sounding like Moniwa-san

Brat: stop babying me

GrandKing: (I see why Moniwa feels the need to stress over you guys this much)

GrandKing: (Poor guy)

Brat: i cAn hEaR yOu

GrandKing: Why am we standing?

Brat: ...?

GrandKing: Why are we struggling?

Brat: hold on

GrandKing: Life has no meaning anymore

Brat: wait the fuck

GrandKing: What's keeping us going?

Brat: nope

Brat: why

Brat: I didnt

Hanamemeki: FIGHT

Brat: okay, no

Brat: why are people crashing our chat again

Kamachi: ~~because the author wants the readers to enjoy the antics of not just one amazing haikyuu team but more than one~~

Kamachi: shhhhh i let them on its fine

Brat: BUT THEYRE RECITING SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN SCENES

Kamachi: hey its your own fault

Brat: WHAT DID I DO I DID NOTHING

Kamachi: suffer

Brat: WH -

GrandKing: This world is merciless

Brat: wait thats wrong that came before

Memetsukawa: And it's also very beautiful

Brat: okay im out

GrandKing:

Kamachi: Huh, he actually did go to sleep

Kamachi: but can you like

Kamachi: go

Brat: kamasaki-san i see you making disrespectful gestures from your window

Kamachi: FUCK OFF

GrandKing: My business here is done

Memetsukawa: you didnt do shit

Hanamemeki: also why would you only open up the chat for us at like five in the morning

Hanamemeki: thats so cruel

Memetsukawa: yeah, we wanna socialize with you guys

Kamachi: well, we dont

Kamachi: goodnight

GrandKing: mean

GrandKing: ;_;

Hanamemeki: Oh come on, you're like the ruthless killer leader skilled assassin sniper swordsman mr perfect leader of Seijoh, man up

GrandKing: Thank you

Memetsukawa: Makki, was that meant to be a compliment

Hanamemeki: Honestly?

Hanamemeki: i dont even know

GrandKing: why are you guys my only friends

Memestukawa: because nobody else wants your sad ass, now lets get back to our own chat before Iwaizumi finds out and kills us

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have some more shitty content   
> (i cant believe this is my contribution to the fandom i need something better to do ahhhh)   
> Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this :)))

**Author's Note:**

> I wondered whether I'd actually post this or not but xD   
> (If you are confused about what usernames the characters have, or anything that happens in the story, feel free to ask me xD)


End file.
